I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
