I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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