yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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