If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
