I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Jerry, you need to find god
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
