I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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