Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
