i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
