just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
