I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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