Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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