Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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