she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
