I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize