So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
