I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
