There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
