i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
