The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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