That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
