he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
