It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
