it wasn't lemon gatorade
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
