I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
