Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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