Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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