I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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