wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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