Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
