For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
