here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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