I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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