unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
