My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize