Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
