I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
