So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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