Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
