we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize