i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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