Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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