Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
