proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Holy shit dude........stairs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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