this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
