please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
