I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
