why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
