She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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