How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
