Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Randomize
