Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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