Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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