so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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