I think my fart just growled at me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
