what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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