they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
