R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
