his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
