Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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