I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
