I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
