i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
