bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
