oh god the rape fog is back!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
