hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
