Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
