I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
