Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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