I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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