I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
