I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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