Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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