First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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