I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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