Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
